War of Neighbors
by The Mourner's Mistress
Summary: No doubt my new neighbor was going to turn my entire, calm world upside down. Yet I can't imagine anything I would've looked forward to more. - All Human
1. Chapter 1 - Tarzan

**AN: Some of you may have noticed I shortly deleted this story. For this, I think I owe you an explanation.**

 **It's a fairly simple one at that: My mind's a mess. I continuously make small improvements in all of my stories. This includes all five of the ones I am currently working on. As I was – upon revision – all but satisfied with this story, I saw it better to simply restart for I had only posted two chapters and the amount of changes I have made is quite extensive.**

 **So, take some love and laughs, add some tears and a bucket full of drama and mystery and thus: War of Neighbors is born.**

 **I do hope you enjoy it and know that your reviews are greatly appreciated.**

 **Love, MM.**

* * *

 **Edward**

' _Get some booze.'_ That was my assignment. Couldn't be hard, right? Wrong. It's like everyone has decided to go to the store on the same freaking moment. And as it seems to be almost 40° outside, it's a miracle no one has dropped dead yet. Although I am now convinced I'll be the first one, someone's gotta be.

"C'mon Eddie, we haven't got all day," Emmett - my younger brother - says impatiently. He immediately starts making his way to the aisle we need, barely giving me a chance to grab our shopping cart. Apparently there never is enough liquor at a bachelor party. Who am I to argue this wisdom? Yet since Jasper has given him a green light for almost anything concerning tomorrow's event, there wasn't a lot I could do to refuse. Knowing my older brother, I knew he wouldn't mind it either way. He is all focused on his wedding and lost most of his interest for partying when their son – my awesome nephew – Riley was born.

Within a few minutes Emmett has managed to grab two crates of beer and starts putting them in the cart, stating it won't nearly be enough. I start fearing my life, but join him to pick out a bottle of tequila and other coma-inducing liquors.

"So now we got booze, snacks. I took care of the music and hired some strippers. We're all set."

"Strippers?" I ask in disbelief. He has been talking about it all week, but I didn't think he would actually pull through with it. Especially since Alice – Jasper's fiancée - specifically prohibited it and his girlfriend said she would castrate him if she'd find out there would be scarcely dressed women present. Knowing Rosalie, that isn't a threat to take lightly.

"It wouldn't be a bachelor party without," he responds nonchalantly.

Of course not. "You forgot about one thing little brother. Where is this all going to take place?"

"Well.." he hesitates, "I kind of told everyone to meet at your place."

Hell no. Not again. Last time he threw a party at my place, it ended with me convincing the cops we'd keep the noise down and Emmett lying unconscious in my bed. However it seems his wild days are behind him, since things between him and Rosalie got serious. Most of them, at least.

"You did what?" I ask clearly not amused. No way he is pulling this shit again.

"It's his bachelor party. It may be the last time we'll be able to do his like brothers. We can't ruin it and there will be a girls-night at my place," he says in an overdramatically tone.

"Then why does my house have to suffer? Shouldn't the groom be sacrificing his?"

He smiles, patting me on the shoulder. "Alice described him a horrible to die, if anything were to happen to her dress or to any other of the wedding-stuff that's stored at their house." Hard to see Alice – who could just as well be a little fairy - getting angry, though I can imagine it must be terrifying.

I sigh, "Fine. Whatever. But you better help me with the mess afterwards. And no cops. Otherwise I'll be the one killing someone."

"Promise." He smiles satisfied and I just roll my eyes, letting out a chuckle. A good party doesn't actually bother me and Emmett was right, it's a special occasion. The Cullen-brothers together one last time as unwed men - again. For a while it seemed that time ended a long time ago, when I was the first one of us to say his vows. But I'm sure Jasper's marriage won't crash and burn like mine did.

"Like I'd believe you, with the amount of alcohol lying in front of me," I state, gesturing at the shopping cart.

"We're not all wusses like you, Eddie. Some of us take their liquor well." He laughs. "Or do I need to remind you of the last time you got drunk and stupid?"

Shit, he's never going to let that one go.

"I should kick your ass, only for reminding me of it," I grin widely. But he only seems to take it as a challenge. I should've known my little brother would've seen the opportunity to tease me, which he willingly takes.

"It's not that I didn't enjoy your little Tarzan-routine, really," he continues casually, although I can hear him trying to suppress his bouldering laugh. "Some people might even say that your attempt of recreating the outfit with nothing but a towel, was quite brave and creative." He sighs, staring into the void as if he's reminiscing about his past. "Especially the dance was _real_ impressive."

You know what? The dance _was_ impressive. I pulled out my best dance-skills, as far as I can remember. Though the 'remembering' really isn't that trustworthy from my part. "Shut up, Emmett," I say, stomping his arm.

"No, continue," I suddenly hear a soft, female voice say. "It sounds like an interesting experience."

Shit. Someone heard us? I slowly turn around, only to find a beautiful brunette standing on the other side, looking through the bottles of white wine. She doesn't even seem to be paying any attention to us, until she looks over her shoulder and pulls up the corner of her mouth.

"He didn't mention how good I was looking at that moment," I respond and give her my most charming smile.. Might as well do any attempt to saving some of my dignity. Unfortunately Emmett apparently no longer finds the strength to suppress his laugh.

"Oh, I imagine," she states with a hint of sarcasm, as she picks out a bottle. "Too bad I missed it."

"You should be," Emmett cuts in, wiping away some tears. "It was a once in a life-time thing. Luckily we have it on tape."

Wait, I didn't know that. He's kidding, right? "Please tell my you're lying," I beg him, to which he simply shakes his head. Well, fuck my life. The fact that he hasn't showed it to anyone by now, can't be good. It means he's waiting for the perfect opportunity to embarrass me.

The brunette grins. "I'll let you two to your relationship-issues," she tells us, distracting both of us of the mental war we're having.

"Wait. No, we- We're brothers," we say simultaneously, partly in shock. Even the thought of it. I mean, I'd be a catch to any guy, even to Emmett. But having him as a partner? Yuck.

"You sure?" she teases, as she skeptically raises an eyebrow. "That seemed a little too synchronized to just be a coincidence."

I smile when I realize she's messing with us and so does my brother. "Edward Cullen," I simply inform her. "And this is my little brother, Emmett."

"Little?" she asks surprised. Not hard to understand why, since Emmett – figuratively and nearly literally – reaches head and shoulders above me.

"Well, yeah…"

"I got the good looks of the family," Emmett mentions smoothly, though in an obvious non-flirty way. A few years ago he'd be all over her, so it still surprises me when he doesn't fall into his old Casanova-habits. Rosalie somehow managed to tame him, simply by not putting out. She made him suffer and beg, and he loved it.

"Yes, and I got the brains," I add. Burn.

"Is that what helped you through the Tarzan-dance?" she asks and winks, turning around. "Have a nice day, gentlemen." Alright, she wins this round.

Before I can turn around and start making my way out of the store, Emmett yells at her. "We didn't catch your name!"

"Bella!" she responds in the same tone and disappears from our sight, without giving us another second of attention. For once I am grateful for Emmett's big mouth. I really did want to know the beautiful stranger's name.

He pokes me with his elbow. "She likes us," he says, yet eventually turns around and starts pushing our cart.

As fast as we can we try to make our way out of the store, though it didn't go as planned. After getting through the mass of people, we still had to stand in line for about half an hour 'till we could pay. Emmett and I started making devious escape-plans, in which we described how we could take as mayy bottles as possible with us without being caught. After a while it just became a contest of who'd be the best grocery store-defeating spy. I won.

Another half hour later, I finally pull up my driveway and notice the rusty pickup truck parked in front of the empty house next to mine. I knew it was sold, but I suppose my new neighbor finally is moving in. The truck makes me imagine it's going to be an old redneck with a love for hunting. This should be fun.

"I"ll grab the beer," Emmett says as he gets out of my car and I nod, doing the same.

"Try not to dr- Ugh!" Suddenly I am slammed against the grass by someone. "The hell- Hey I know you!" Safe to say I don't know why Bella is now sitting on top of me or how she is even here. She's also a lot stronger than she looks.

For a second I smile, but I immediately let it fade – seeing how pissed off she looks. "Are you following me?" she asks me. The woman is out of her damn mind. She can't be serious, right?

"What? Follow you? Why the hell would I do that?" I ask in a state of shock. What in God's name is happening right now?

"Nate, thank God," she says as a young boy comes running, though he doesn't seem nearly as confused as both Emmett and I.

"Mom, what are you doing?" he asks surprised. Mom? She's a mother?

She groans. "Nothing to worry about, sweetheart. Just go grab mommy's baseball bat."

Did she say..? "Bella, no. You don't understand! I wasn't following y-" Within seconds the kid has again disappeared.

She cuts me off. "Like hell you weren't."

"Stop, Bella!" For the first time since the whole chaos, Emmett finally speaks up. I kind of forgot he was even still there, but now I am eternally grateful he is. "He lives here!"

"Yeah, listen to the big guy. I live here!" I add.

For a second she seems to ponder about what we just said, but keeps sitting on top of me. "You live here?" she asks cautiously.

I carefully nod. Any sudden movement might still freak her out, for all I know.

A beautiful blush spreads across her cheeks and she hides her face in her hands. "Shit," she mumbles. "I'm so sorry!"

"Can you perhaps get off me now?" Not that I mind at all, to have beautiful woman on top of me.

"Yes, of course," she says hastily and stands up, after which I do the same and start patting off my clothes. "Damn it. I'm so sorry," she repeats.

Then Emmett suddenly bursts into laughter. Leave It to my little brother to make something less awkward. "Man, that was awesome! She totally decked you, dude," he says. "A girl-" With a simple, deadly glare from Bella he corrects himself. "A _woman_ owned you."

"I never saw her coming," I say in my own defense, but I know I'll be hearing about this for a _long_ time.

"Though I have to admit I'm a bit disappointed you chose Edward instead of me," he continues.

"I already hurt myself running into him," she says, painfully rubbing her shoulder. "I don't think I could get you down." Somehow I feel guilty for causing her pain.

To make it even better, the kid suddenly comes running with a wooden baseball-bat in his hands. "I got your back, mom!" he yells, as he comes to a halt and tries to catch his breath, until he sees me standing. "Wait, what happened?" he asks confused.

Bella lets out a beautiful chuckle. "Thank you, Nate," she says, ruffling his hair, "But I won't be needing it anymore."

"Awww," the boy sounds sincerely disappointed. Gee, thanks kid.

"So ehr, care to explain?" I ask, to which the boy shyly takes a step back. Not that it bothered me that much, I just don't get tackled by women every day and would like to know what set her off.

"I'm just.."

"We just moved over there," the boy cuts in and points at the house next to mine, helping out his mother. Smart kid.

"And now I will be known as the crazy woman who tackles people," Bella adds, with a dramatic sigh.

"So you're my new neighbors, huh?"

Bella once more hides her face in her hands. "Crap. Now I'm going to have to come up with some grand gesture, to prevent a grand war starting between our houses."

"Mom, not again!" the boy suddenly states. "I don't want the cops to come this time." The cops? What did she do? Though I doesn't really surprise me, as she tackled me simply for walking on my own lawn.

Emmett simply looks at me with that wide smile of his and crosses his arms, completely amused by the whole situation. "The cops? What horrible thing did you do?"

Bella looks at us even more awkward than before. "Ssssht, Nate," she mumbles. "We're trying to make a _good_ impression on the new neighbors." Yes, she definitely is crazy.

"Oh right, sorry mom," the boy says, obviously trying to come up with a good lie. "Did I say cops? I mean.. ehm. Doctors! Yeah." It's nice to see how much they love each other.

"Yes, that's much better, Nate," she grins, then turns to us and ruffles through his hair again. "I'm blessed with a son who cannot lie."

I couldn't help but laugh, though I didn't forget Emmett's previous question – although I want to know more out of curiosity than fear.

"I know. Amazing right?" she answers sarcastically with fake enthusiasm. Alright, she's not gonna tell that easily. I get it. "Come on, Nate. We have two more bags filled with unnecessary food to unload from the truck. The ice cream won't wait."

This immediately catches his attention, but first he turns to me and Emmett again and reaches out his hand. "Nathaniel Charlie Swan," he introduces himself politely with a smile and shakes both our hands for a second, making Bella look pretty damn proud. Not hard to see why, the kid's a real little gentleman.

"Are you like superstrong or something? You're huge!" he whispers when Emmett crouches for a second to reach for his hand. Emmett always has had a talent for getting along with children.

Of course his question makes Emmett's ego grow ten sizes. "I totally am," he whispers back and the kid just profoundly nods, completely impressed by him. Bella rolls her eyes for a second, but can't suppress her smile. She adores her son.

Then he turns around and runs to the rusty truck. Hard to imagine such a beast of a car belongs to a tiny woman like Bella. Though she just made me crash to the ground, so who am I to judge.

"So ehr.. Nice to meet you both," Bella adds and walks away as well, to help Nate with the bags as he tries to take em on both.

"You didn't kill anyone, did you?" I ask loudly, before she can escape completely.

To which she simply responds, "Maybe I did, maybe I didn't. Who knows?" She looks over her shoulder and smiles beautifully, then focuses on her kid again, as they both start making their way inside.

"I think I'm going to like your new neighbors," Emmett says chuckling.

I nod, and I don't take my eyes of them until they disappear inside. "So will I."


	2. Chapter 2 - Fort Awesome

**Bella**

The house is quiet. Too quiet. And if having a kid has taught my anything, it's that silence can't mean anything good. I had been busy unpacking the groceries and telepathically swearing at the movers, when they called to tell me there was a problem with their truck and our stuff wouldn't be delivered today. That wouldn't be a problem if it weren't for the fact that neither my son or I have a bed or a couch to sleep on because of this.

Luckily my son's survival-instinct is through the roof and he decided he would create a tent in the back yard, using a tree and some sheets he told me he would be looking for in every closet in the house. I still can't believe I consented to it, but I love that kid so much it physically hurts me.

"Nate," I yell, looking around in our way too big of a house. "Nate!?" I hear some soft laughing and grin widely. Where's the monkey hiding this time?

As if I'm spy, I sneak through all the rooms, carefully opening the doors and looking inside. I had to give it to him, he's gotten a way better hider. I miss the days he would just stand behind the curtain or I could spot his feet miles away. My son has gotten too smart.

"BOO!" I reach for my heart when I enter the bathroom and my little ghost jumps from behind the door.

"Why you little-" Immediately I grab him and start tickling him without any mercy, pinning him to the ground. Then I plant some kisses all over his cheeks and head. "That's what you get for scaring your mother."

"Eww," he says laughing and after a while of simply lying on the bathroom-floor, we both get up. "Sorry, mom."

I ruffle through his brown hair, which he obviously has my genes to thank for. His blue eyes on the other hand, aren't mine. "Did you find anything useful, soldier?" I ask, to which he salutes me and shakes his head.

"All empty, ma'am" he states with a sigh.

I smile lightly, but let it fade when I realize what'll happen now. I had to promise, in case we needed a plan B. I only wished we wouldn't have to. "Alright, let's go ask our new neighbor if he can borrow us some," I mumble with dislike. I have no desire to face him after what I did, at least not this soon.

My son on the other hand has already taken a liking to Edward, so he rushes downstairs. Also not my genes to thank for. I make my way to the house next to ours and notice my son subtly scooting over behind me. He always has had a shy side to him.

Within less than a minute after ringing the door bell, Edward opens the door and seems utterly surprised. "Well, if it isn't the friendly neighborhood-tackler," he says with a smile. He won't be letting that one go, anytime soon. Damn it.

"Bye, Tarzan," I say and start to turn around again, but my son grabs my hand and takes over.

"Mom," he says, "We need to ask him." He pouts his bottom-lip and I groan. The kid knows how to win me over.

"Ask me what?" Edward jumps in, still with that mischievous smile on his face.

I sigh. I really didn't want him to think I was some helpless woman. I also strongly dislike being in debt to people and by now I already have a lot to make up for. Unfortunately we haven't gotten a chance to get to know our other neighbors. "There's some problem with the moving-truck, so our things won't be delivered 'till tomorrow," I begin. "But my brilliant son got me to agree with building a fort in the backyard to sleep in."

"Yeah!" Nate says, backing me up. "But we don't have any sheets. Or strings."

Edward smiles. "I'll take a look if I can find you some, kiddo," he says. Although his company is nothing more than painful reminder of my own mistrust in people, he's kind to my son. I had to give him that. "Can you make sure she doesn't deck my while I do so?" Never mind, smug bastard.

"Ay-ay, sir!" Nate salutes him, but gives me that worried look he always gives me when I'm about to tickle him to death. "We need him, mom," he nods in his defense. He's right, and I hate it.

Soon Edward returns with a whole bunch of linen and a role of ribbon. "Think this 'll do, kid?" he asks Nate, who happily takes over the sheets and almost completely disappears behind them – making him look like a ball of cotton with two legs coming underneath.

"Yes, sir!" he responds enthusiastically, after which I proudly smile. "Thank you." I taught my son well.

"No problem," Edward replies kindly and hands me the roll of string, locking his green eyes onto mine. "Don't you need blankets or pillows?"

I shake my head. "Makes the experience more 'real'," I quote my son. Seriously have got to learn how to say no to him.

"Aha," he chuckles. "Well, I wish you the best of luck. You can stop by any time, if you need any help."

"You should come see our fort later," the bundle of sheets with legs replies. Leave it to Nate to make some friends, although I'd wish they would be of his own age. It's hard enough being stuck with a only a mother, though I have to say he turned out pretty amazing so far.

Edwards looks at me for permission and I nod, with only a slight feeling of regret. He did give us the sheets, plus Nate would love it. "Maybe I'll come by later," he states and my pleasantly enthusiastic son disappears to our backyard.

"I'll have 'm washed and delivered back to you. Though I'm not liable for any damage that may come to them."

"Don't worry about it," he says, the corner of his mouth pulling upward. "I don't need them anymore, I've been thinking about throwing them away. This way they get a decent farewell."

"We'll be sure to do them justice," I say sincerely. "Thank you, Cullen."

"Any time, Swan," he respond and I go search my son in our garden, who already has laid out a bunch of the sheets. Normally I wouldn't let him out of my sight, but one of the privileges of our new neighborhood is that traffic is to a minimum. Nate's also a smart kid, I'd trust him with almost anything.

The whole afternoon and evening we do our best to create Fort Awesome – as Nate and I have named it. It may look easy, but building a fort with nothing but some string, sheets, a tree, and some stuff we found in the garage, isn't easy at all. Each time we would be done with one side, the other would have collapsed. However my son being my son, he found a way to keep it up and afterwards we even created a campfire out of candles so we could make some 's mores. Not the best or healthiest dinner, but the kid had a blast – and thus, so did I.

My son was asleep before it was even completely dark, so I moved him inside the fort – I luckily had been able to convince him to at least let me put down one of the bedspreads, so not to sleep on the grass. How he continued to sleep still baffled me though, since my body already is sour all over – I have the tackling to thank for that - and I haven't even lied down yet, part from a short time with Nate next to me. I treasure those moments.

Silently I roast another marshmallow and continue to eat, when I hear some ruffling noises from the bushes on the other side our picket-white fence, separating my yard from Edward's. I'm ready to go look for my baseball-bat, when I suddenly see Edward appear, resting his arms on the fence.

"So, how's the camping going?" he asks, sounding sincerely impressed. "I didn't think you'd be able to pull it off."

"You underestimate a mother and her young son, whom – I may add – has already abandoned me by falling asleep," I say dryly.

He grins widely. "Mind if I come over?"

I shrug my shoulders. "At your own risk," I say, doubtfully looking at him for a second. Although I hate asking for help or any kind of assistance, my son's wellbeing exceeds my personal flaws. There's nothing I wouldn't do for that kid. "Could you perhaps bring a blanket? I just wanna make sure the little soldier doesn't get cold." He nods and I continue to roast marshmallows, stuffing myself with them. Now I remember why I usually try not to buy them. They're completely addictive.

After a while he reappears at the same spot by the fence, tossing me the blanket. "You can come through the door, if you like," I inform him.

"What? I thought you were trying to go for the 'real experience'," he says laughing and starts climbing over, grunting as he does so.

"I was just trying to save your dignity."

He huffs and looks at me, after he has jumped down. "What makes you think I need it?" he asks. Smug bastard. Though I have to give it to him, he did it quite smoothly. No way I would be able to pull that off.

After I have put the blanket on my sleeping son, I simply continue what I was doing and hand Edward one of the long forks we have been using.

"Marshmallow?" I ask him. "But you should know we ran out of crackers a long time ago." He laughs and gladly accepts them, keeping one above the lit candles.

"Aren't you afraid you might go into some sort of diabetic shock?" he asks teasingly, to which I respond by putting one more in my mouth.

"Says to person has enough booze to drink himself into a coma about ten times." I'm not the only one keeping up the bad habits.

He swallows away one of the marshmallows. "In my defense, I don't plan to drink that all by myself," he adds. "My older brother's bachelor-party is tomorrow."

"Aha. Should I be worried about strippers exposing themselves in front of my son?" I ask cautiously. No way I was about to explain that to Nate. I'm already worried about having 'the talk' with him some day, since it was a completely traumatic experience when my father did. And seeing I got knocked up in high school, it wasn't all that effective.

To my luck, he shakes his head. "No, don't worry. Emmett already has been forced to call that off by the majority of women in my family. It's just going to be a small gathering of friends and family."

"The big guy's going to be disappointed," I say surprised and yawn. Maybe I'm more exhausted from moving and creating a place to sleep, then I'd like to admit.

He shrugs his shoulders and eats another one. "He'll get over it," he says. "I'm just happy the chances of having a visit from the cops tomorrow have just plummeted… Speaking of cops…"

Urgh. I knew he wouldn't be able to drop that. But I have no desire to talk about it, so I just lie down to look at the stars. For merely a second I let out a groan when I painfully touch the ground, rubbing my shoulder.

Worried Edward looks at me, "You okay?

"Even though you went down fast, you're quite hard to run into," I admit. "So I blame you for this."

"Really now?" he asks amused. "My apologies, I'll start eating a lot more fast-food. Maybe that'll make me softer."

"You should," I respond calmly and continue to look at the sky, keeping quiet for a while.

Edward however just keeps looking at me with those damn dreamy, green eyes of his, so I might as well start talking. Somehow I trust him not to judge our little family. Plus I kind of owe him.

"Our previous neighbors were asses," I state simply, and they were. Immediately he smiles satisfied, knowing what I'm about to tell him. "They had this idea in their crazy minds about how our neighborhood should be. Anything out of order had to be eliminated as soon as possible. No noise, no messy yards. They even tried to talk me out of letting Nate play outside, because it disturbed their precious peace and quiet. I, of course, wouldn't hear any of it."

"Of course," he repeats and I stomp his arm.

"Shut up, Cullen. Do you want to know or not?" I ask yawning, to which he gestures zipping his mouth shut and comes lie down beside me. I'm not sure whether I mind or not. "Thus the war started," I continue. "They kept nagging about Nate's toys, I parked my truck in front of their garage. They had it towed, I ordered several dozens of pizza to their house. And so on, and so on." I sigh. "But one day they went too far and dragged Nate into it. So I did something that made 'm call the cops on me." But I sure as hell wasn't going to tell him. "No, I didn't kill anyone and I didn't even get charged with anything." Though I probably have my father – who is Chief of Police – to thank for that.

"What did you do?" he asks curiously.

I respond quickly, "Doesn't matter."

"C'mon."

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"If you tell me, we're even about the whole tackling-thing." Ugh, he has me there. I roll my eyes at him and turn to my side, so I can look him directly in the eyes and give him my most powerful, motherly strict stare. To this day it has always succeeded in making my son realize he's about to be in a lot of trouble. Not that Nate's not a good kid, he simply is a kid – and I have yet to master the art of refusing him anything.

"You have to promise you'll never tell anybody," I say, squinting my eyes at him.

He nods. "Promise."

I sigh and roll on my back again, hiding my face in my hands. "I filled their house with livestock."


End file.
